BBCDance class leader Leanne Lucas, who was stabbed in the Southport knife attack, has said she believes the killer “targeted us because we were women and girls, vulnerable and easy prey”.
Speaking at Liverpool Crown Court ahead of the sentencing of Axel Rudakubana, the 36-year-old read out her victim impact statement, and said she had previously worked with teenagers and “never would have considered that they would hurt me or hurt younger children”.
“To discover that he had always set out to hurt the vulnerable is beyond comprehensible,” she said.
She said she had “endured three hospital stays where I undertook multiple surgeries and received treatment”.
“At a time where home comforts may have helped me, I sat staring at hospital walls further impacting my mental health.”
She said the trauma had been “horrendous” and she was “trying to see the goodness in the world”.
Ms Lucas said there were “scars we cannot unsee” and she was struggling with trusting others and herself.
“As a 36-year-old woman I cannot walk down the street without holding my breath as I bypass a person and then glance back to see if they’ve attempted to stab me.
“As a 36-year-old woman I cannot enter a public place without considering how I will get out in the event of an emergency.
“As a 36-year-old woman I cannot give myself compassion or accept praise, as how can I live knowing I survived when children died.”
PA Media/Merseyside PoliceMs Lucas said she had considered her work as providing a “safe haven” to help families in Southport by highlighting “goodness and positivity”.
“I never thought this was going to happen to me and now my mindset has been altered to it could happen to you and it will probably happen to you,” she said.
“I feel that I have lost the ability to accept people now as they are.”
She said she felt she had “now lost my role, my purpose and my job as I can no longer provide that guidance and reassurance to anyone”.
Ms Lucas continued: “I feel like I can no longer be trusted again, I know people will disagree and say that is not true however his actions have proven I can never feel that level of responsibility again where there may be dangers to others.”
She concluded her statement by saying: “For Alice, Elsie, Bebe, Heidi and the surviving girls, I’m surviving for you.”
Heidi Liddle, who helped Ms Lucas organise the class, was sitting on the floor helping the girls to make bracelets when she heard screaming.
Prosecutors said she tried to pull Ms Lucas away after seeing that the latter had been stabbed and started pushing children towards the exit.
Ms Liddle followed a girl who had fled to a toilet, locked the door and braced her foot against it.
She told the girl to remain quiet but they could also hear other children screaming and then the toilet door rattled.
Police footage shows officers later finding the pair hiding, with one officer telling Ms Liddle: “Listen, listen, listen, you’re safe.”
“Crying with fear and relief, they were escorted from the building,” prosecutor Deanna Heer said.
‘Felt isolated’
In her victim statement, Ms Liddle said she was dropped off at home following the attack “without any professional support”.
Officers had taken her mobile phone for evidence and she felt “completely cut off from everything and felt completely helpless as I didn’t know how many children were hurt or where they were and if I could help at all”.
“At the start, I felt like I had to be there for everybody and didn’t consider my own feelings and needs,” she said.
She continued, telling how she “couldn’t sit in silence” or remain on her own for the first month.
“I felt isolated from everyone as I felt like I couldn’t leave my home. I was in tears constantly and didn’t feel safe in my own home.
“The only time I left the house in the coming weeks was to go and see Leanne and the girls at hospital or to attend the funerals of the three girls, which was heart-breaking.”
Family impact
She said she had since replayed the incidents in her mind, suffered panic attacks and night terrors and “carried so much guilt thinking that I could have done more and reacted in a different way”.
“I thought that everyone hated me and that no one would trust me to look after their children again,” she said.
In addition, she faced false comments made online about her, which she said “added to my psychology trauma”.
“I thought that I would get the blame from the public or the parents of the children blaming me for their child being seriously hurt or killed.”
She said counselling “has helped but I don’t feel like I’m anywhere near the end of this journey”.
Ms Liddle, who has a baby daughter, said the attack had “a huge impact on my family”, who had been providing support.
“I don’t know what my future looks like in work. I am terrified of the pressure of the responsibility to look after children.”
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